The Sword Coast Seas

99 Problems But A Death Cult Ain't One

Or Virtue Rewarded, In A Series of Reminiscences From a Beautiful Young Damsel to Her Compatriots


Come for the cash, stay for the end of a death cult. Or perhaps something deeper? Tlex seems to have some answers about our funky tongue-talking boy king who DEFINITELY should have been setting off alarm bells and TOTALLY would have if I wasn’t still a leeeetle bit high from wine and playing music on that sweet ass guitar that I was gifted by people who are totally, totally going to feel like they let the right woman walk off with their people’s great and ancient treasure.

I will not let Captain Kat break this one.

Maybe it won’t even come up, because the captain has it in her head she can sweet talk that Rolanda lady into letting her go which, okay, the captain is talented, but she’s not like,_ me_.


But, as I learned in Bard College when my roommate decided that her instrument of choice was the ukelele, sometimes you have to let your friends make their own mistakes.

I digress. We killed off some death cultists and it was fun. We found a cave that bleeds drugs that make you commune with gods, which sounds….very fun for my comrades, who sit around reading books of theology and praying and talking about religion.

Me, I technically worship Najm, the god/goddess of curiosity and adventure, but honestly, I’d call it more of an ethos than a religion. Like, Najm is a symbol, a kind of muse, not someone I’d like to hang out and like, let her play with my hair while I see pink elephants and talk about deeper meanings of life. Like, don’t meet your heroes, you know?

So, yeah, our boy king is a demon monster thing that I don’t want to be too judgy about, because Tlex is also that thing, and my abstract entity, my strange but compelling friend Tlex, they are alright. Even if I don’t know exactly what they look like yet. I mean, I’m pretty sure that “mind flayer” is not their true face.

Point is, we are a full service pirating organization. We will save you from terrible illnesses and discover the death cults behind them. And almost all of us will firmly oppose any and all boy kings who may or may not be secret demons but definitely have illegitimate attitudes about power. All while backing a captain who has at least a 40% chance of pulling off her sisterly love-fest with some jackass from the Lord’s Alliance. There are many pirate organizations you can hire, but only the Firefly will do all this and (probably) not charge more than they initally offered!



This is incredible, I lol’d repeatedly and I love Delilah, she’s a boss

faletti AmandaMarcotte

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